John Fleming's blog

Blog address changing

2010-07-08T18:32:00.004+01:00

I've moved this blog to

http://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com

So, if you're interested in following it....

http://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com

MORE THIRD REICH THAN LORD REITH

2010-07-08T17:06:00.004+01:00

This morning was the first time I’d been inside the new and/or still-being-rebuilt BBC Broadcasting House in London. It appears to have an interior colour scheme of red, black and white. Very clean and trendy, though those three colours feel unsettlingly more Third Reich than Lord Reith. It was also slightly unsettling to see a notice at the entrance of the Radio Theatre declaring:

PLEASE NOTE. Strobe lighting and smoke effects are used in this theatre.

I know I’m knocking on a bit and the various media are allegedly rapidly converging, but this seemed going a little far for BBC Radio, even by the surreal standards of the late Director Fuhrer John Birt.

I was at the the BBC Radio Theatre to see the recording of a debate entitled on the info sheet I Love…? but listed on the BBC website as The Greatest City on Earth. Basically a set-to on whether London, New York, Mumbai or Istanbul was the best city. No mention of Edinburgh, then?

Professor Laurie Taylor chaired a surprisingly feisty debate which included Jake Arnott, writer of the superb semi-fiction crime books The Long Firm (filmed by the BBC) and He Kills Coppers (filmed by ITV)… and the always surprising American comedian Lewis Schaffer of whom more in the weeks to come.

Watching Lewis is sometimes a rollercoaster ride. He’s more self-destructive than a lemming and many are the comedy cliffs I have seen him plunge over. He is Bill Bryson with attitude or Woody Allen on acid. But always charming and I am always surprised by his ability to ad-lib well-thought-out punchlines. A natural for factual-based TV and radio shows. Let’s just hope he figures out what his Edinburgh Fringe show is going to be about before August. He has been doing try-outs for it twice weekly in Soho since (I think) last November. He is a potentially great comedian who is already worth the price of admission. Certainly worth tuning in to hear The Greatest City on Earth – Radio 4 next Monday morning, 12th July, at 09.00, with a shortened version broadcast on Radio 4 at 21.30 that same evening.

The Impossibility of Believing Reality

2010-07-03T19:14:00.014+01:00

Last week I went to a comedy club and a woman fell asleep in the third row. Even when the compere started joking about it, she stayed asleep. Because she was deaf.

"What sort of person brings a deaf friend to a comedy club?" the compere asked.

Her friend had no answer. She just laughed.

In 1982, I saw a blind Japanese woman being led to a row of one-armed bandits in a casino in Las Vegas. She sat down and pushed coins in the slot and pulled the handle of her machine like an automaton, staring straight ahead. What possible excitement could a blind person get from not seeing the fruit on the wheels spin round on a one-armed bandit in Vegas? The sound perhaps?

Life. You couldn't make it up.

When comedians seem to be telling a true story, it's often made up. When they seem to be making up a story, it's often basically true.

Who knows what tales will be told at (and of) the Edinburgh Fringe next month? Who knows which will be true?

Five "hot" comedians

2010-07-01T19:40:00.005+01:00

I see that, in the US magazine Punchline's list of the five UK comics worth keeping an eye on, one's Irish and one's an Aussie. So that only leaves three - Robin Ince, Janey Godley and Laura Solon.

KILLER BITCH - "Unexpectedly well-made... Resolutely trashy"

2010-06-30T08:47:00.007+01:00

The Massachusetts-based Horrorview website - surprisingly well-informed on British culture for a US-based site - has a well-balanced review of the Killer Bitch DVD which starts:

____

“Killer Bitch” is an unexpectedly well-made but ultra low-budget (and resolutely trashy) indie gangster flick that goes miles out of its way to offend as many people as it possibly can; but unless you happen to work for a British tabloid newspaper, it is very hard to take this video-shot flick’s ridiculously cartoonish portrayal of violent working class machismo all that seriously -- despite it playing host to an insidious sexism that borders on outright misogyny at times, relying on knowing humour and a lively sense of the ridiculous in order to undercut its more unpleasant excesses.

The film is simply a deranged, hormonally pumped-up celebration of testosterone-soaked psychopathy that revels in the bloody glamour of working class criminal thuggery and yob culture in all its foul-mouthed and spittle-flecked glory. From unlicensed boxing to no-holds-barred cage fights; from club land brawling to drug-fuelled beatings and brutal gangland hits: “Killer Bitch” is literally ninety fast-paced minutes of feckless punch drunk sleaze, crammed to bursting point with little more than a succession of leery, muscle-bound ‘blokes’ waving their big guns at people and yelling outlandishly overblown threats into their faces (“I’m gonna rip yer fuckin’ teeth out and shove ’em up your fuckin’ arse! ) before pummelling seven shades of shit out of each other while various pouty, pneumatic bimbettes, culled from late-night phone-in porn channel Babestation, stand around with their fake norks out being either shouted at, shagged or shot, and sometimes all three -- but not necessarily in that order!

If you’re a sullen, pimply fourteen year-old, who’s been driven half insane by inveterate sexual frustration and incessant nocturnal emissions, then this just might be the best film you've ever seen in your life!

____

The whole, lengthy review continues on:
http://www.horrorview.com/movie-reviews/killer-bitch

Malcolm Hardee Randiest Fringe Comic Award ?

2010-06-27T10:14:00.006+01:00

I'm almost prepared to start a Malcolm Hardee Randiest Fringe Comic Award at the Edinburgh Fringe from 2011 but I might take some persuading on who the judges would be and the title isn't quite right yet. All suggestions gratefully received.

Malcolm would most certainly have approved and the whole idea of the Malcolm Hardee Awards (2005-2017) is to keep alive the true spirit of the Fringe (and Malcolm's memory). Testosterone, unreliability and rampant egos are the basic building blocks of the Fringe.

The Fringe has got far too respectable for its own good.

The Malcolm Hardee Awards this year will be presented during Nik Coppin's late night "Shaggers" show on Friday 27th August.

Mr Methane act blown off course in Italy

2010-06-17T12:22:00.006+01:00

Mr Methane was performing in northern Italy at the weekend, by the Lakes, and was unable to demonstrate some of the more spectacular parts of his act because of high winds.

The irony. The irony.

www.mrmethane.com

FARTING RULES AT THE BBC

2010-06-15T16:29:00.004+01:00

Mr Methane - the world's only professionally performing flatulist - tells me that, four or five years ago, there was a "three fart rule" on BBC TV children's shows - you could have no more than three fart jokes in any children's TV show.

Is this still the case?

What has the the world come to?

Another great British tradition under attack...

Once you've had three fart jokes, what is the unacceptability of a fourth?

KILLER BITCH - There's no accounting for (bad) taste...

2010-05-27T15:11:00.005+01:00

There have been a lot of news features on the Killer Bitch movie, sight unseen, but very few actual reviews of the full film.

First there was the GoreZone 5-star magazine review:

"This is Grand Theft Auto meets I Spit on your Grave... A violent 21st century British pantomime for the MTV generation… A middle finger in your face attitude… This is a must-see… This film is in a league of its own and has to be seen to be believed… You may read this review and think the film sounds vile, disgusting and morally depraved and you’d be wrong - you forgot to add bloody fantastic as well."

Then there was the 1-star review from the News of the World:

"This is the shoddiest excuse for a film I've seen in my life... Highlight, of course, is the Reidernator's much-vaunted sex scene, where he's channelling the passion and intensity of Beethoven (the giant St Bernard)."

Now there is the 4-star review from the AVmaniacs.com website:

"A bad taste ultraviolent black comedy, loaded with cursing, screaming, yelling and a higher body-count than even most films it could be compared to… If sunny nihilism and anti-social behaviour (not to mention blood, biceps, big boobs, and a topless midget!) with a Cockney twist floats your boat, hunt down KILLER BITCH."

If you can get a 5-star review and a 1-star review for the same movie, you know you must have done something right somewhere...

www.killerbitch.co.uk

KILLER BITCH, crime and Citizen Kane

2010-05-20T11:00:00.006+01:00

I was talking to one of the Killer Bitch cast yesterday and (as one who knows) he came out with the legendary line: "I've got no money at the moment and xxxx xxxxxxx ain't got no money either. The bottom's fallen out of Crime."

Has Britain fallen this low? Sir Francis Drake made England great by robbing Spanish ships of their gold and the East India Company built Queen Victoria's glorious British Empire on the heroin trade.

We live in difficult economic times. Or do we? Opinion varies.

A recent report said organised crime caused "an estimated £30 billion a year in social and economic harm" to the UK. I'm not quite sure what "harm" means in this context. Presumably it means there is a £30 billion black economy underpinning the 'legitimate' economy. But it's all guestimates on guestimates. A recent report by the Association of Chief Police Officers claimed the UK underworld economy is now worth around £40 billion a year.

I'm more concerned that fake DVD production is now reckoned to be worth £300 million in the UK. I had vaguely hoped Killer Bitch might be fairly immune to this because I had hoped that the people most likely to rip us off were actually involved in the movie in some way - and therefore highly unlikely to rip us off. I had, however, reckoned without the international nature of modern movie rip-off-dom.

Still, I am filled with hope for the future of Killer Bitch because Michael Deeley, the highly-regarded head of British Lion Films reportedly said, when his company released The Wicker Man in 1973, that it was the worst film he had ever seen. Years later, the equally highly-regarded Cinefantastique magazine devoted at entire issue to The Wicker Man, famously calling it "the Citizen Kane of horror films", while the Los Angeles Times said it was: "Witty & scary! No one who sits through it to the end is likely to find it easy to shake off."

Likewise, no-one who sits through Killer Bitch with an increasingly dropped jaw and open mouth is ever likely to forget it. Bland it is certainly not.

KILLER BITCH No 6 in the Top Ten DVDs

2010-05-10T09:52:00.006+01:00

KILLER BITCH was released in the UK and Ireland last week and became No 6 in HMV high street stores’ top-selling DVDs. Some animated family film called Avatar pipped us to the post.

The HMV placing came after Killer BItch was banned by the Asda, Morrisons, Sainsburys and Tesco supermarket chains.. and YouTube also banned the trailer.

iTunes did sell it last week… for two days... then they suddenly withdrew it from sale because their "global policy is not to have extra violence and frontal nudity within the store".

This is a tad surprising because, although Killer BItch is a merry British romp through an OTT plot with OTT characters and OTT violence, it features pantomime violence - really, honestly, how many times have you seen someone killed with a fish or threatened by a topless female dwarf with a large handgun and are these scenes likely to deprave, corrupt, incite copycat killings and topple British cultural values?

This is a description of Willem Dafoe's recent film Antichrist which was passed uncut by the BBFC and sold by iTunes:

"After knocking him unconscious, Gainsbourg bores a hole in Dafoe's leg with a hand drill and bolts him to a grindstone to keep him from escaping. Then, she smashes his scrotum with some sort of blunt object (the moment of impact happens slightly below the frame). We don't actually see his testicles become disengaged from this body, though it's implied. Next, she brings him to a climax with her hands and he ejaculates blood (yes, it's shown). But that's not all! Later, in an extreme closeup — lensed by Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire cinematographer Anthony Dod Mantle! — Gainsbourg cuts off her own clitoris with a pair of scissors."

Sadly Killer BItch violence fades into insignificance in comparison to this though I think we may have a chance in the Rocky Horror Show market.

At the Killer Bitch cinema premiere in Mayfair - attended by sundry policemen and surreally with two machine-gun-wielding policemen standing at the end of the street watching the comings-and-goings - Alex Reid’s sex scene was mightily popular. Sections of the audience started imitating his audible grunting and he got a round of applause halfway through the scene. I can see future screenings possibly being attended by people dressed as Alex who join in the fun by inter-acting with what’s on screen.

First there were Rocky Horror Picture Show nights; then Sound of Music nights; can Killer Bitch nights be far behind?

www.killerbitch.co.uk

KILLER BITCH - Alex Reid compared to Beethoven

2010-04-20T18:05:00.005+01:00

Following KILLER BITCH's 5-star review in Gore Zone magazine, we have now received a News of the World review which compares star Alex Reid to Beethoven... http://tinyurl.com/y4w2hv8

I see on the reviewer's Twitter feed:

http://twitter.com/robbiereviews

he says: "The film everyone's talking about! Iron Man 2? Don't be daft! It's Killer Bitch, with Alex Reid!"

Why the English Legal System Creates Injustice

2010-04-19T14:28:00.001+01:00

Click here

FILLER QUOTE - KILLER BITCH

2010-03-25T01:31:00.006Z

I see I am quoted in the Daily Star today.

Interestingly, I've never talked to the Daily Star. But it's flattering to know they read this blog and now follow the Twitter feed.

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/posts/view/127781/Jordan-Alex-rapes-are-ruining-my-career-/

Rest assured the movie is being released on 3rd May under the title KILLER BITCH.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

KILLER BITCH passed uncut by British Film Censors

2010-03-23T02:05:00.008Z

Well, despite Sunday newspaper reports at the weekend, the BBFC has now passed KILLER BITCH uncut, although only just. At one point we were told it was "more likely than not" that there would be cuts demanded.

The movie was passed after a normal screening by a BBFC Examiner; an abnormal second screening by more than one Examiner; a special screening for the BBFC Director; a special screening for the BBFC Chairman; and a letter from the movie's director defending what is shown in KILLER BITCH.

There were two scenes that were said to be of special concern. One was the much-commented-on Alex Reid sex scene which has been widely referred to in the press (but never by us) as a 'rape' scene. The other cause for BBFC concern was, we were told, a scene involving porn megastar Ben Dover, who Hustler magazine named as one of the 'Top 50 Most Influential People In Porn'.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

KILLER BITCH: Alex Reid was paid £50,000 ?

2010-03-21T15:59:00.007Z

I see, as well as today's News of the World piece, the Daily Star Sunday is also carrying a piece (on page 3) about the possible (they claim certain) censorship of "Killer Bitch" by the BBFC, the British film censors. Sadly, it's not in the online edition of the Star. Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

Meanwhile, as per normal, other websites and newspapers around the world have started to pick up on the News of the World story, including:

http://www.realbollywood.com/news/2010/0
3/rape-scenes-alex-reids-film-axed.html
+

http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/reality-tv/alex-reids-rape-scene-to-be-cut-from-killerbitch-movie/

+

http://www.glam.com/blogs/unreality_tv/alex_reids_rape_scene_to_be_cut_from_killerbitch_movie

Again, they have the release date incorrect - it is Bank Holiday Monday 3rd May in the UK and Ireland. And no comment on their claim that we paid Alex Reid £50,000 for his role in the movie...

News of the World to win Booker Prize?

2010-03-21T02:21:00.003Z

I see today's News of the World is going up-market with a spirited bid to get nominated for the Booker Prize for fiction. At least they could get the scheduled release date right - The "Killer Bitch" DVD is actually now scheduled for release on Bank Holiday Monday 3rd May...

www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/760448/Alex-Reid-could-have-controversial-sex-scenes-deleted-from-his-new-movie.html

"KILLER BITCH" - the first review - FIVE STARS

2010-03-18T11:16:00.008Z

The only media people to have seen the full, finished version of KILLER BITCH - in fact, the only media people so far to have seen any part of the edited version of KILLER BITCH are GoreZone magazine and their rave review is in the April edition of the magazine on sale now:

FIVE STAR REVIEW

“This is Grand Theft Auto meets I Spit on your Grave... A violent 21st century British pantomime for the MTV generation… A middle finger in your face attitude… This is a must-see… This film is in a league of its own and has to be seen to be believed… You may read this review and think the film sounds vile, disgusting and morally depraved and you’d be wrong - you forgot to add bloody fantastic as well”

GoreZone is on sale in HMV, supermarkets and newsagents.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

www.gorezone.co.uk

THE "KILLER BITCH" IS BACK - and The Censors Don't Know What to Say

2010-03-17T22:54:00.015Z

Our upcoming KILLER BITCH film had to change its title to "Killer Babe" to satisfy a major UK retailer who objected to the word "Bitch" or "B***h" or "B****". Apparently "bitch" was considered offensively sexist but "babe" was/is not. That retailer has now seen what is in the actual movie itself and has backed out of stocking it.

So we are reverting to the original title KILLER BITCH, known and loved by many including, I can only presume, Joan Collins.

Meanwhile, indecision still reigns in the labyrinthine corridors of the BBFC (the British Film Censors). They had their normal screening of the movie by a single Examiner... then an uncommon second screening for other Examiners... then a third screening for the BBFC's Director... and they still couldn't reach a decision... So now there will be a fourth screening for the BBFC Chairman this week and, allegedly they will then decide on Friday or Monday. Frankly, if they are going to have this many screenings to this many people, I think the least they could do is buy a copy.

But, as a result of all this delay, the release of the DVD has been put back to Bank Holiday Monday 3rd May, coincidentally 24 hours after the British Erotic Awards Film Day on 2nd May.

The people I feel sorry for, though, are the poor souls at the BBFC. If the content of KILLER BITCH is so close to the edge of what is acceptable in a British feature film, I am worried about the moral health of the poor peeps at the BBFC who are continually being subjected to this apparently shocking and soul-degrading attack on the moral senses. Four screenings!

They recently passed with an 18 certificate the Willem Dafoe movie "Antichrist" which, I understand, showed close-ups of a penis ejaculating blood and, in extreme close-up, a shot of a woman cutting off her clitoris with a pair of scissors - as filmed by the Oscar-winning cinematographer of "Slumdog Millionaire".

But maybe that was Art aimed at readers of upmarket newspapers whereas KILLER BITCH is roundly aimed at ordinary people with a taste for straightforward entertainment and without an Oxbridge degree in Classics. We have always seen KILLER BITCH as an over-the-top British pantomime with blood and breasts. No more offensive than an Eminem stage show.

I suppose we should feel honoured that the BBFC is worried that KILLER BITCH might be more morally corrupting and closer to the edge of acceptability than "Antichrist". After all, we know exactly how small our budget was! But I have a slight worry there might be elitism creeping in - one rule for the Arts graduates who read the Guardian and the Independent; another rule for 'the plebs' who read the Daily Mirror, Star and Sun.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

KILLER BABE band release debut single

2010-03-09T01:19:00.004Z

One of our "Killer Babe" soundtrack bands - THE HYADS - are releasing their debut single "Didn't Want It This Way" next Monday (15th March)

www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=350155074444

Their MySpace page is

www.myspace.com/thehyads

LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE!

2010-03-08T11:15:00.001Z

The BBC News channel today is reporting that the Best Supporting Actor Oscar went to a bloke in Quentin Tarentino's "Inglourious".

Mark Kermode, discussing the Oscars in the same BBC News channel bulletins, quite happily talks about "Inglourious Basterds".

Our title "Killer Bitch" changed to "Killer Babe" because a major UK retailer felt "Bitch" was sexist but "Babe" was not.

We live in interesting times.

Rock music, Killer Babe, Killer Bitch and the IRA

2010-02-07T10:03:00.013Z

Music videos of four of the 31 tracks used in our upcoming 92-minute KILLER BABE movie are now on

www.gangstervideos.co.uk/KillerBitch/music.html

I see in today's Irish Independent that they are calling "Killer Bitch" (the shooting title of "Killer Babe") a "violent porno flick" - again, without having seen any of the movie. The article is written by Eilis O'Hanlon, sister of the late Provisional IRA member and Sinn Fein official Siobhán O'Hanlon; her late uncle was Joe Cahill, former Chief of Staff of the Provisional IRA, so I'm saying nothing, but can I point out I am Scottish not English?

KILLER BITCH is now KILLER BABE

2010-02-05T10:27:00.002Z

KILLER BABE is the new title of Killer Bitch - The title change is to please a rather sensitive major retailer, but the content of the movie remains the same.

www.killerbabe.co.uk

Alex Reid, Celebrity Big Brother and 31 music tracks

2010-01-30T11:10:00.016Z

Well, our KILLER BITCH star Alex Reid won Celebrity Big Brother last night with 65% of the vote and I do believe Davina McCall might have called KILLER BITCH a "cult smash" even before it's released, which can't be bad, but there's much more to the movie than just sex, violence, real criminals, real on-screen fights, former world championship boxers, cage fighters, bare-knuckle champions, Page 3 girls, Babestation babes and potential Daniel Craig James Bond replacements.

The 92-minute movie also includes 31 music tracks:

“STAR SPANGLED ANNA”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“PEACHY”
Performed by Will Crewdson

“TROUBLE ON THE TERRACES”
Performed by The Hyads

“SEXUAL FAVOURS”
Performed by Rotten Ped

“MIDNIGHT TRAVELLER”
Performed by Prophecy

“OUT OF CONTROL”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“BUKKAKE QUEEN”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“OBSESSION”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“Mr TOAD”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“DEATH FROM ABOVE”
Performed by Serotonin

“BIG MISTAKE”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“OSAGE CITY”
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“CYGNUS”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“METAL MAN”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“COLD WIND”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“BASTARD”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“THE GRAIN TRAIN (GET ON BOARD)”
Performed by Dean Rees

“PARK AVENUE”
Performed by Dead Family

“CREEPS”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

“FREAKYLOVEWAY”
Performed by Sid Sings

‘SCREAM FOR ME’
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

‘HEAVY RAIN’
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“BANGED OUT”
Performed by MC Spanish Fly

“HONEY”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

“AFRAID OF THE DARK”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“DEATH PENALTY”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

‘LONG HAIRED WOMAN’
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“TAKEN A HOLD ON ME”
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“FRIENDS AND FOES”
Performed by Isaac's Aircraft

KILLER BITCH - THE CUTTING EDGE MOVIE

2010-01-26T18:23:00.008Z

On page 15 of today's new issue of Heat magazine, they say of Killer Bitch: "The fast-cut sex and violence... is unexpectedly avant-garde".

We prefer to call it cutting-edge. As unexpected as a slit throat.

A lot has been said about Killer Bitch, but naturalistic kitchen sink drama it ain't.

It's Tom and Jerry meets Reservoir Dogs... a violent panto.

And it's possible (though not certain) that this Friday's edition of Big Brother's Big Mouth on E4 will show even more footage from the movie.

TO VOTE FOR ALEX REID TO WIN CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER PHONE
09011 323 001
in the UK.

Big Brother's Big Mouth is on E4 Wednesday at 11.25pm and Friday at 11.05pm

www.killerbitch.co.uk

"KILLER BITCH" notches up its first sale

2010-01-19T01:50:00.007Z

After E4 screened a short clip from the Killer Bitch trailer on Big Brother's Big Mouth last night, the on-screen conversation between presenter Davina McCall, Michelle Heaton and Boyd Hilton (TV & Reviews Editor of Heat magazine), went:

DAVINA: "I'm telling you I'm buying that. On the strength of that trailer, I'm buying that."

MICHELLE: "I guarantee that's a hit already, right?"

BOYD: "We'll be doing a big 4-page review of it."

Phew! So, when the movie comes out, that's one sold, at least!

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Killer Bitch - Alex Reid, "I Spit on Your Grave" and "Apocalpsye Now!"

2010-01-16T14:03:00.012Z

KILLER BITCH “makes You’ve Been Framed look like Apocalypse Now!” according to Now Magazine’s online edition today… a comparison I enjoy so much it is almost up there with Gore Zone magazine ‘s opinion that KILLER BITCH is “Grand Theft Auto meets I Spit on Your Grave”.

Now magazine were also generous enough to say: “The website for KILLER BITCH is kind of inspired… Now that is manipulation of the press!”

You can make up your own mind by taking a look at www.killerbitch.co.uk

Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth also gave us a very welcome mention on E4 last night.

In response to Alex Reid’s quote in the Celebrity Big Brother house, saying: “I can influence the world a better way by… making life-changing films” they ran an unedited clip from his debut in KILLER BITCH. Davina McCall’s reaction was: “Daniel Craig watch out!” while Terry Christian said, “I thought he was like a young Marlon Brando there. I felt the heat!”

I’m not so sure Stephen Baldwin would approve of KILLER BITCH, though.

Maybe "A sick movie... vile scenes...stomach churning" (Daily Mirror) is not on-message for him. 

Meanwhile, editing on the movie continues apace in Northamptonshire, Walthamstow and Chatham.

Killer Bitch, Celebrity Sleaze and Link Mania

2010-01-04T03:27:00.009Z

Well, Alex Reid has gone into the Celebrity Big Brother house dressed as a man rather than as his alter ego Roxanne.

Pity.

But the good news is that, according to Celebrity Big Brother, we are a "mucky movie" and, according to the News of the World, Alex's career low so far has been appearing in "sleazy gangster film Killer Bitch".

As Oscar said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. And they haven't even seen any clips from Killer Bitch yet.

For a taster of the sort of music we are using, you could do worse than go to the music page of the Killer Bitch website.

"Killer Bitch" Cross Dressing in the Celebrity Big Brother House?

2009-12-30T21:23:00.011Z

I see the Daily Star is claiming today that, on 3rd January, our Killer Bitch co-star cage-fighting Alex Reid will be going into the Channel 4 Celebrity Big Brother house as his cross-dressing alter-ego Roxanne. If so, it should be worth seeing. And he'll be out in time for our movie release on 8th March; and the publication of the Killer Bitch novel on 1st March.

In our movie, of course, the tabloid storm has always been Alex's participation in the allegedly 'vile' alleged 'rape' scene, one tame frame of which is shown on the Killer Bitch Facebook page

I'm told the News of the World has been attempting to get something straight from the Horse's mouth for around three months now. If they ever get anything straight from the Horse's mouth that their lawyers will allow them to print, it'd better be as good as what we have on film. I'm certainly on tenterhooks.

Just wait till March.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

"Killer Bitch" - How to Get Rid of a Dead Body

2009-12-22T23:44:00.006Z

So that’s how to get rid of a body leaving no trace? Who would have thought it? I am a simple person and imagined the pigs just ate the flesh or, if you dumped a weighted body into the sea, you just used small-gauge chicken coop netting.

I had an interesting chat with our death consultant ‘Lou’ yesterday afternoon and he set me straight. Amazing a man who knows about such things can have such a delicate palate for food.

The editing has started on Killer Bitch with seven people ensconced in Northamptonshire working right throughout the Christmas and New Year period on three editing machines; plus editing work in Walthamstow and - ooh - somewhere in the depths of the snow in Kent as well. Meanwhile, In Borehamwood, home of both the Indiana Jones and the On The Buses movies, I am using an Apple quill to try to novelise the script. Thus my need to know about the intricacies of pigs’ digestive tracts.

Our ‘Lou’ knows almost as much about animals as the very nice indeed former drug super-dealer Howard Marks. His stories of the sophisticated uses of lion shit and reindeer urine take some beating. He seemed happy with his own upcoming autobiographical movie Mr Nice in which he is played by Rhys Ifans; he had seen a screening of the finished film. It’s certainly a cracking story.

We went to Leeds to film Howard’s scenes for Killer Bitch. They were either the final or penultimate sequences to be filmed.

I’m not 100% certain if they were our last bit of filming because, even though we have now started editing and will finish the final cut in January, there is an extra surprise scene which we may or may not be able to shoot. If we can do it, it will certainly put a smile on my face and should make audiences and journalists sit up in their seats.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

'Dodgy' Dave Courtney Lives Again in "Killer Bitch"

2009-12-11T22:52:00.011Z

On “Killer Bitch”, we do like a bit of publicity and had plans to kill celebrity gangster ‘Dodgy’ Dave Courtney , but we were scuppered by police action.

We filmed all the set-up and preparations for his death at a big gangland party in South East London but, a couple of days later, before we could shoot scenes of his actual killing, the police arrested him on firearms charges and he was (in the technical phrase used in such circumstances) banged up in Belmarsh with no parole, despite the fact he had no witnesses to threaten, was no risk to anyone and was never going to do a runner. The authorities just enjoyed having him in prison, much like the Krays and Ronnie Biggs.

Dodgy Dave was arrested months ago. Poor Liam, our beleaguered writer/director, had to re-write the script so Dave’s excellent and expensive scenes were kept in the movie but so it also made sense he was not killed. Poor Liam later had to re-script the movie again when allegedly cross-dressing cage fighter Alex Reid (our main co-star) decided not to complete the sequences he had started shooting. Only he and Kate Price/Jordan know why; we certainly don’t. We had to shut down for a month.

The result of all this anarchy was a multiply-re-written script, extra scenes, extra characters, extra performers, extra action, extra colour and, ironically, probably an even better movie - though with escalating extra costs.

All we’re admitting is that the budget is now over £45 and less than £100,000. In other words, it has cost more than Welsh zombie movie “Colin” but has cost less than “Avatar”. It is also fairly safe to say it will be more entertaining than “Batman and Robin” and “The English Patient”. But then so was Andy Warhol's eight-hour movie of the Empire State Building at night; and, yes, I did sit through that.

The good news is that, this week, a London jury took only two hours to clear ‘Dodgy’ Dave on three charges of illegal firearms possession. Anyone who has been in the living room his Plumstead house ‘Camelot’ (you can see it in all its glory in “Killer Bitch”) will know its walls are lined with firearms, swords and I think there may be a suit of armour and a platoon of Japanese soldiers in there somewhere too. But would ‘Dodgy’ Dave do something illegal? I can hardly believe it. As he told the court: "The police keep arresting me for things, but I am no longer a naughty man."

Except in our fictional movie, where he plays himself and is certainly a very naughty man caught with his trousers down and his pecker up.

He will be one of the few to survive “Killer Bitch”. So far, we have had over 160 performers in the movie and most of them seem to have been killed. Still a couple more weeks to go; plenty of time to up the body count.

We might even have time to kill ‘Dodgy’ Dave, but I think poor Liam might not be able to face another re-write and will let him live - perhaps for the sequel which, in the current draft script, opens in a Scottish religious building. Who knows how subsequent events may change it?

www.killerbitch.co.uk

“Killer Bitch” - A Slasher Movie?

2009-12-03T23:05:00.004Z

I was circumcised earlier this year. I didn’t think it was necessary, but three doctors recommended it and, eventually, I realised it was no skin off my nose.

Rather more drastic on “Killer Bitch” this week was cutting off the penis of one of our lead performers. It was quite complicated.

Our death consultant ‘Lou’ had to go into a Soho sex shop to buy a rubber penis and testicles. He told them some cock and ball story.

On the day, our performer had to be ‘tubed up’ with rubber piping so blood could be pumped out of his groin as the cock was cut off.

Our director Liam reversed his normal instructions and, to start the scene, shouted: “CUT!” When the scene finished and the penis fell, he shouted: “We’re rolling!”

‘Lou’, always a perfectionist, ensured that the bloodied and severed penis left lying on the floor of the laundrette (don’t ask) was seen to be sliced at the correct angle to correlate with the previously filmed angle at which our girl slashed the knife through the cock with the yell: “This is for all the women of Britain!”

Attention to realistic detail is important on “Killer Bitch”.

The previous day, when gunning down around 20 innocent people in cold blood in a warehouse in Gravesend, one of our lead actors who had better remain nameless interrupted to advise: “He wouldn’t say that before he shot him,” and, “They wouldn’t be killed like that. We did it this way.”

It is always best to have experienced advisors when making a movie.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Killer Bitch, Killer Transvestites and Dirty Birds

2009-11-24T00:37:00.010Z

The bad news today was that the possibility of former football hooligan Jason Marriner being killed by a group of transvestites from the Medway towns seems to be receding. The good news was that the prospect of a thalidomide martial arts expert joining us is looking brighter. This, with luck, can be sold to The Guardian as pushing the boundaries of post-modernist art cinema and to the Daily Star as a vile outrage against public decency and the possible final step in the collapse of Western Civilisation.

One irony of “Killer Bitch” is that the movie was originally partially conceived with the intention of outraging the Daily Mail. The irony lies in the fact that almost the sole newspaper to ignore us has been the Daily Mail. This may be because, early on, amid the initial tabloid furore, the Daily Mail sent an e-mail asking into what genre “Killer Bitch” fell; would it be correct to describe it as a hard-core porn movie? They were, it seems, not happy with the evasive answer they got.

Today, was a quiet day on the set. Only one attempted knife suicide and one person shot to death in a disused Gravesend warehouse. Oh - and our star Yvette Rowland did sensibly ask, “Can you catch anything fatal from bird droppings? I seem to have been lying among them for hours”. The answer she got was as evasive as the one the Mail received in September.

“Eh… no, no, no… I don’t think so. No, I doubt it,” was one unconvincing answer.

“What about bird flu?”

“I don’t think a single pig in the entire world has ever died from swine flue.”

“What’s that got to do with bird droppings?”

“Well…”

Pigs and birds are messy. And you can’t train pigeons to respect the costumes worn by actors in post-modernist art cinema,

Geordie entrepreneur Steve Wraith - aka The Krays’ Geordie Connection - came all the way down from Newcastle to try to kill Yvette and his suit was so messed-up by the end of the day that he left it behind in a plastic bag. The blood probably didn’t help either.

It was a day of blood, feathers and white droppings.

“This movie should sell quite well,” someone suggested.

“Who knows?” I replied, “But people will get value for money. You don’t get thalidomide martial arts scenes and dwarf-throwing in Jerry Bruckheimer movies, though there might have been bird shit in "Pirates of the Caribbean"...”

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Killer Bitch, Deaf Armed Robbers and a Strange Sweet Smell

2009-11-17T23:32:00.003Z

At the boxing club in the evening, it was the heavy-built ex-paratrooper who had fought in the Iraq War who accidentally let off his handgun not once but twice. Bloody loud it was. He seemed to think it was quite funny.

It makes me wonder how the ‘chaps’ in South London and in Essex avoid becoming deaf. All the armed robbers I’ve met have had perfect hearing. But letting off pistols and sawn-off shotguns in enclosed spaces must surely do your ears in after a while? I suppose, though, that firing guns is the last thing the chaps actually want to do.. The cost, my dear! Even sugarglass breakaway beer bottles are expensive.

I bought twelve bottles from Breakaway Effects at Shepperton Studios - cheap and excellent value at £8 a bottle, but still not to be broken lightly.

I thought this was the day we were going to film the scene where transvestites attack and try to kill former football hooligan Jason Marriner. But, apparently, the transvestites need longer to prepare.

So it was a fist and bottle fight in a pub and a gunfight in a boxing club. A relatively quiet day for “Killer Bitch”.

And, on the first bottle fight, there was a problem. The cage fighter smashed the boxer in the face with the bottle but then decided to wham him in the side of the head. Realistic, but he hit him on his ear which was still buzzing from gunfire. We had to have a cooling-down period.

On the “Killer Bitch” filming, we all wear yellow ear plugs supplied by Lou, our armourer and death consultant. Perhaps armed robbers wear them too? They may become fashion accessories.

Guns are glamorous Boys’ Toys even to ‘hard men’. In the back room of the pub in Gillingham, Lou (who has a licence to do such things) opened up his heavy suitcase to let our director Liam choose which weapons he wanted and it was like a flock of tattooed moths suddenly descending on a series of metal flames. Revolvers, automatics, an Armalite and an AK-47. Hard men wanted to touch them, to hold them, to be photographed with them.

Later in the evening, at the boxing club in Chatham, after various club members were filmed being floored by punches from former WBO World Champion Robin Reid, we shot a sequence with Robin firing the AK-47 at two black-coated baddies firing automatic pistols.

Afterwards, as always, the air was filled with the smell of a gunffight.

Our make-up girl Claire looked up at me with wide eyes. “The sweet smell of cordite... and testosterone,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Jehovah's Witnesses and Killing a Baby

2009-11-15T17:20:00.017Z

As I walked over the drawbridge, two well-dressed people who looked like Jehovah's Witnesses approached me. A man and a woman. Both in unsettlingly neat clothes.

"Are you filming in the moat?" the man asked.

"Yes," I told him, "We've been filming here the last three days."

I was told Fort Horsted was one of three Napoleonic forts overlooking the former naval dockyards in Chatham in case the French invaded. In fact, it was built in 1880 to defend against who knows what. Fort Horsted's moat is empty, a bit marshy and has walls maybe 60 feet high. Our co-star, former world heavyweight boxing champion Robin Reid, had been 'executing' people in the moat all morning.

"What sort of film is it?" the neat woman asked.

"A gangster film."

"Not one of those Madonna ones?" the man asked.

I looked at him blankly.

"You know," the man explained. "Her husband. Guy Richardson. I don't like his films."

"No, not one of his," I reassured him.

"Been going well?" the woman asked. "The filming?"

"Well, our star was trying to shoot a girl about half an hour ago," I explained. "He was trying to shoot her with an AK-47 and she was great. She was screaming out, terrified, in a high-pitched voice, 'No! No! No! Don't kill me! I'm pregnant! My baby! My baby!'. Very good she was. Michelle Dormer. Great scream. She should be in Doctor Who."

The neat Jehovah's Witness couple looked interested.

"Then," I explained, "On the fifth take, a little voice pipes up from 60 feet above us - a very polite man's voice asking, 'I say, are you OK down there?'

"We look up and there's no-one up there. I think he must be some bloke who lives in one of the suburban bungalows on the other side of the moat from the Fort. He must have heard the screaming and gone down the bottom of his garden but couldn't see into the moat. So our director just shouted back: 'It's OK! We're filming!' and the man's voice shouted back: 'Oh! Alright!' and we carried on with Michelle screaming 'Don't kill my baby! My baby! My baby! Don't kill my baby!' for about four more takes.

"The moral to the story is," I told the neat Jehovah's Witness type couple, "if you are committing a serious crime like murder and anyone asks you what you're doing, just say you are shooting a film and they will ignore it."

The couple smiled politely.

"What's the film called?" the woman asked.

"Killer Bitch," I replied.

"Ah," the woman said.

"What do you do?" I asked.

"We're police," the man replied.

"Ah," I replied.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Oscar Wilde and the "Killer Bitch" sick concoction

2009-11-10T23:06:00.006Z

Memorable lines... The "Killer Bitch" movie has 'em aplenty. And I imagine few if any of them were ever uttered by Oscar Wilde.

I particularly enjoyed:

"Bring it on! - Aaaaarrggghhh! - I'll rip your fucking eyes out and stick them up your fucking arse!"

Fine words, screamed at the top of his terrifying voice by former bare-knuckle champion and now feared unlicensed fighter Norman Buckland in a large farm shed in the field behind his house as he fought Katie Price's on-off boyfriend Alex Reid. Real punches. Real kicks.

Norman is a terribly nice man and said afterwards: "I dunno where that stuff about the eyes came from. I've never said it in my life before!"

He is a real gent and a great ad-libber. During his scenes, he dropped a large breeze block on top of his head. It wasn't scripted. He just decided to do it without warning to try to help make the scene even better. Afterwards, he turned to our director Liam and asked:

"Did you get it OK? D'you want me to do it another couple of times for safety?"

For safety? FOR SAFETY????

Liam declined, but he was very grateful for the offer.

Perhaps I had too sheltered an upbringing in Ilford, Essex, but I thought

"Bring it on! - Aaaaarrggghhh! - I'll rip your fucking eyes out and stick them up your fucking arse!"

was pretty hard to beat as a memorable line - especially an unscripted one.

But it was run a close second today by a scripted line delivered by Yvette Rowland - a line which, alas, can't be printed here because it gives away one of the movie's major plot twists.

But it is maybe no surprise, given this is "Killer Bitch", that Yvette was sick immediately after she said the line. All in the interests of Art, of course.

She vomited out a creamy-orange-coloured concoction of lemon energy drink, water and crushed biscuits mixed together by our make-up effects man Akgun who, while the scene was being shot, was turning a hairspray can into a flamethrower. I think he may have seen just one too many James Bond films.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Electric Eel Shock, Flying Dwarfs and Irishmen

2009-11-09T23:27:00.004Z

“Those two Japanese rock people from the Electric Eel Shock band are going to torture Robin with three fish and then he’s going to kill one of them by stuffing one of the fish down the bloke’s throat,” I said this morning.

I was taken aback when Lou, our ‘death consultant’ on the “Killer Bitch” movie replied: “You’re ‘aving me on, John,” and genuinely didn’t believe me.

How could he not believe me?

A couple of months ago, our director Liam had got so frustrated by the torrents of abuse “Killer Bitch” was receiving from the tabloids over often completely fictional scenes that he asked: “Can anyone get me a dwarf for tomorrow?”

“I’ve got a dwarf and two midgets,” volunteered Lou.

And, sure enough, the next day, we filmed Mike Tyson’s long-time sparring partner Joe Egan throw a topless female dwarf (the very lovely and charming Sarah Bennett) off a roof in Watford. Shortly afterwards, a police helicopter started circling overhead, though that was more to do with the fact Joe Egan and four other Irishmen were running around an alleyway firing handguns and a sub machine gun. Fortunately Lou had forewarned the police and filled in the appropriate forms. Yes, there are indeed forms for such occasions.

So how could Lou not believe we would have former WBO World Boxing Champion and Olympic medallist Robin Reid kill Japanese rock star Akihito Morimoto by shoving a fish down his throat? Lou needed to see the fish before he would believe it.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Alex Reid, Jordan, Salvador Dali and flying pigs

2009-11-08T02:47:00.013Z

I see today's Daily Star Sunday edition:
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/107314/The-Kate-escape-/
has an interview with Jordan's boyfriend, the former co-star of "Killer Bitch" in which it says:

"The Ultimate Fighting Championship star, who used to appear in telly soap Hollyoaks, is expected to leave Britain on St Valentine’s Day at the start of his £9,000 trip. Before that, he must fulfill a number of work commitments linked to his upcoming film Killer Bitch."

Well, this is news to me, as I'm financing the "Killer Bitch" movie and it's cost me an arm and a leg because we had to shut down production for a month and do a complete re-write of the film's basic plot because Alex waltzed off the production after only shooting half his scenes... and then there was the whole rigmarole of whether or not he might re-appear... or not... I wondered if aliens had kidnapped him and I was going to wake up in a shower and find I'd dreamt it all.

This is England. No-one in their right mind sues anyone for anything unless they have a spare twenty million pounds sloshing about. The English law's aim is to make money for lawyers. You might as well toss a coin or revert to Trial By Combat with two people beating each other round the head with wet fish.

Alex seemed a nice bloke to me but, lord have mercy on us, what are these "number of work commitments linked to his upcoming film Killer Bitch"? Is he mounting a private publicity campaign for the movie's release in February/March and hasn't told us? I'm grateful if he is. Is he going to turn up without warning at a film location he doesn't know about? We re-started filming with a revised script last week, shooting the Japanese rock band Electric Eel Shock in a North London goth club and we really get into our movie-making stride again this coming week.

Or maybe the press just making up stories again? That's something we certainly know about, as several of the stories about "Killer Bitch" have had a touch of the Salvador Dali and William Burroughs about them - total surrealism with some stories simply made up from beginning to end.

Though all the publicity, true, false or fantastical, is welcomed. Who cares what's said, provided we're splattered all over the tabloids? Not us.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

John Fleming's blog

Blog address changing

MORE THIRD REICH THAN LORD REITH

PLEASE NOTE. Strobe lighting and smoke effects are used in this theatre.

The Impossibility of Believing Reality

Five "hot" comedians

KILLER BITCH - "Unexpectedly well-made... Resolutely trashy"

Malcolm Hardee Randiest Fringe Comic Award ?

Mr Methane act blown off course in Italy

FARTING RULES AT THE BBC

KILLER BITCH - There's no accounting for (bad) taste...

KILLER BITCH, crime and Citizen Kane

KILLER BITCH No 6 in the Top Ten DVDs

KILLER BITCH - Alex Reid compared to Beethoven

Following KILLER BITCH's 5-star review in Gore Zone magazine, we have now received a News of the World review which compares star Alex Reid to Beethoven... http://tinyurl.com/y4w2hv8

I see on the reviewer's Twitter feed:

http://twitter.com/robbiereviews

he says: "The film everyone's talking about! Iron Man 2? Don't be daft! It's Killer Bitch, with Alex Reid!"

Why the English Legal System Creates Injustice

FILLER QUOTE - KILLER BITCH

KILLER BITCH passed uncut by British Film Censors

KILLER BITCH: Alex Reid was paid £50,000 ?

Meanwhile, as per normal, other websites and newspapers around the world have started to pick up on the News of the World story, including:

http://www.realbollywood.com/news/2010/03/rape-scenes-alex-reids-film-axed.html+

http://www.realbollywood.com/news/2010/0

3/rape-scenes-alex-reids-film-axed.html

+

http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/reality-tv/alex-reids-rape-scene-to-be-cut-from-killerbitch-movie/

+

http://www.glam.com/blogs/unreality_tv/alex_reids_rape_scene_to_be_cut_from_killerbitch_movie

Again, they have the release date incorrect - it is Bank Holiday Monday 3rd May in the UK and Ireland. And no comment on their claim that we paid Alex Reid £50,000 for his role in the movie...

News of the World to win Booker Prize?

"KILLER BITCH" - the first review - FIVE STARS

THE "KILLER BITCH" IS BACK - and The Censors Don't Know What to Say

KILLER BABE band release debut single

LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE!

Rock music, Killer Babe, Killer Bitch and the IRA

KILLER BITCH is now KILLER BABE

Alex Reid, Celebrity Big Brother and 31 music tracks

KILLER BITCH - THE CUTTING EDGE MOVIE

"KILLER BITCH" notches up its first sale

Killer Bitch - Alex Reid, "I Spit on Your Grave" and "Apocalpsye Now!"

Killer Bitch, Celebrity Sleaze and Link Mania

"Killer Bitch" Cross Dressing in the Celebrity Big Brother House?

"Killer Bitch" - How to Get Rid of a Dead Body

'Dodgy' Dave Courtney Lives Again in "Killer Bitch"

“Killer Bitch” - A Slasher Movie?

Killer Bitch, Killer Transvestites and Dirty Birds

Killer Bitch, Deaf Armed Robbers and a Strange Sweet Smell

Jehovah's Witnesses and Killing a Baby

Oscar Wilde and the "Killer Bitch" sick concoction

Electric Eel Shock, Flying Dwarfs and Irishmen

Alex Reid, Jordan, Salvador Dali and flying pigs

http://www.realbollywood.com/news/2010/0
3/rape-scenes-alex-reids-film-axed.html
+