The bad news today was that the possibility of former football hooligan Jason Marriner being killed by a group of transvestites from the Medway towns seems to be receding. The good news was that the prospect of a thalidomide martial arts expert joining us is looking brighter. This, with luck, can be sold to The Guardian as pushing the boundaries of post-modernist art cinema and to the Daily Star as a vile outrage against public decency and the possible final step in the collapse of Western Civilisation.
One irony of “Killer Bitch” is that the movie was originally partially conceived with the intention of outraging the Daily Mail. The irony lies in the fact that almost the sole newspaper to ignore us has been the Daily Mail. This may be because, early on, amid the initial tabloid furore, the Daily Mail sent an e-mail asking into what genre “Killer Bitch” fell; would it be correct to describe it as a hard-core porn movie? They were, it seems, not happy with the evasive answer they got.
Today, was a quiet day on the set. Only one attempted knife suicide and one person shot to death in a disused Gravesend warehouse. Oh - and our star Yvette Rowland did sensibly ask, “Can you catch anything fatal from bird droppings? I seem to have been lying among them for hours”. The answer she got was as evasive as the one the Mail received in September.
“Eh… no, no, no… I don’t think so. No, I doubt it,” was one unconvincing answer.
“What about bird flu?”
“I don’t think a single pig in the entire world has ever died from swine flue.”
“What’s that got to do with bird droppings?”
“Well…”
Pigs and birds are messy. And you can’t train pigeons to respect the costumes worn by actors in post-modernist art cinema,
Geordie entrepreneur Steve Wraith - aka The Krays’ Geordie Connection - came all the way down from Newcastle to try to kill Yvette and his suit was so messed-up by the end of the day that he left it behind in a plastic bag. The blood probably didn’t help either.
It was a day of blood, feathers and white droppings.
“This movie should sell quite well,” someone suggested.
“Who knows?” I replied, “But people will get value for money. You don’t get thalidomide martial arts scenes and dwarf-throwing in Jerry Bruckheimer movies, though there might have been bird shit in "Pirates of the Caribbean"...”
www.killerbitch.co.uk
Showing posts with label transvestites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transvestites. Show all posts
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Killer Bitch, Deaf Armed Robbers and a Strange Sweet Smell
At the boxing club in the evening, it was the heavy-built ex-paratrooper who had fought in the Iraq War who accidentally let off his handgun not once but twice. Bloody loud it was. He seemed to think it was quite funny.
It makes me wonder how the ‘chaps’ in South London and in Essex avoid becoming deaf. All the armed robbers I’ve met have had perfect hearing. But letting off pistols and sawn-off shotguns in enclosed spaces must surely do your ears in after a while? I suppose, though, that firing guns is the last thing the chaps actually want to do.. The cost, my dear! Even sugarglass breakaway beer bottles are expensive.
I bought twelve bottles from Breakaway Effects at Shepperton Studios - cheap and excellent value at £8 a bottle, but still not to be broken lightly.
I thought this was the day we were going to film the scene where transvestites attack and try to kill former football hooligan Jason Marriner. But, apparently, the transvestites need longer to prepare.
So it was a fist and bottle fight in a pub and a gunfight in a boxing club. A relatively quiet day for “Killer Bitch”.
And, on the first bottle fight, there was a problem. The cage fighter smashed the boxer in the face with the bottle but then decided to wham him in the side of the head. Realistic, but he hit him on his ear which was still buzzing from gunfire. We had to have a cooling-down period.
On the “Killer Bitch” filming, we all wear yellow ear plugs supplied by Lou, our armourer and death consultant. Perhaps armed robbers wear them too? They may become fashion accessories.
Guns are glamorous Boys’ Toys even to ‘hard men’. In the back room of the pub in Gillingham, Lou (who has a licence to do such things) opened up his heavy suitcase to let our director Liam choose which weapons he wanted and it was like a flock of tattooed moths suddenly descending on a series of metal flames. Revolvers, automatics, an Armalite and an AK-47. Hard men wanted to touch them, to hold them, to be photographed with them.
Later in the evening, at the boxing club in Chatham, after various club members were filmed being floored by punches from former WBO World Champion Robin Reid, we shot a sequence with Robin firing the AK-47 at two black-coated baddies firing automatic pistols.
Afterwards, as always, the air was filled with the smell of a gunffight.
Our make-up girl Claire looked up at me with wide eyes. “The sweet smell of cordite... and testosterone,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
www.killerbitch.co.uk
It makes me wonder how the ‘chaps’ in South London and in Essex avoid becoming deaf. All the armed robbers I’ve met have had perfect hearing. But letting off pistols and sawn-off shotguns in enclosed spaces must surely do your ears in after a while? I suppose, though, that firing guns is the last thing the chaps actually want to do.. The cost, my dear! Even sugarglass breakaway beer bottles are expensive.
I bought twelve bottles from Breakaway Effects at Shepperton Studios - cheap and excellent value at £8 a bottle, but still not to be broken lightly.
I thought this was the day we were going to film the scene where transvestites attack and try to kill former football hooligan Jason Marriner. But, apparently, the transvestites need longer to prepare.
So it was a fist and bottle fight in a pub and a gunfight in a boxing club. A relatively quiet day for “Killer Bitch”.
And, on the first bottle fight, there was a problem. The cage fighter smashed the boxer in the face with the bottle but then decided to wham him in the side of the head. Realistic, but he hit him on his ear which was still buzzing from gunfire. We had to have a cooling-down period.
On the “Killer Bitch” filming, we all wear yellow ear plugs supplied by Lou, our armourer and death consultant. Perhaps armed robbers wear them too? They may become fashion accessories.
Guns are glamorous Boys’ Toys even to ‘hard men’. In the back room of the pub in Gillingham, Lou (who has a licence to do such things) opened up his heavy suitcase to let our director Liam choose which weapons he wanted and it was like a flock of tattooed moths suddenly descending on a series of metal flames. Revolvers, automatics, an Armalite and an AK-47. Hard men wanted to touch them, to hold them, to be photographed with them.
Later in the evening, at the boxing club in Chatham, after various club members were filmed being floored by punches from former WBO World Champion Robin Reid, we shot a sequence with Robin firing the AK-47 at two black-coated baddies firing automatic pistols.
Afterwards, as always, the air was filled with the smell of a gunffight.
Our make-up girl Claire looked up at me with wide eyes. “The sweet smell of cordite... and testosterone,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
www.killerbitch.co.uk
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