KILLER BITCH - Alex Reid compared to Beethoven

Following KILLER BITCH's 5-star review in Gore Zone magazine, we have now received a News of the World review which compares star Alex Reid to Beethoven... http://tinyurl.com/y4w2hv8

I see on the reviewer's Twitter feed:

http://twitter.com/robbiereviews

he says: "The film everyone's talking about! Iron Man 2? Don't be daft! It's Killer Bitch, with Alex Reid!"

News of the World to win Booker Prize?

I see today's News of the World is going up-market with a spirited bid to get nominated for the Booker Prize for fiction. At least they could get the scheduled release date right - The "Killer Bitch" DVD is actually now scheduled for release on Bank Holiday Monday 3rd May...

www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/760448/Alex-Reid-could-have-controversial-sex-scenes-deleted-from-his-new-movie.html

Alex Reid, Celebrity Big Brother and 31 music tracks

Well, our KILLER BITCH star Alex Reid won Celebrity Big Brother last night with 65% of the vote and I do believe Davina McCall might have called KILLER BITCH a "cult smash" even before it's released, which can't be bad, but there's much more to the movie than just sex, violence, real criminals, real on-screen fights, former world championship boxers, cage fighters, bare-knuckle champions, Page 3 girls, Babestation babes and potential Daniel Craig James Bond replacements.

The 92-minute movie also includes 31 music tracks:

“STAR SPANGLED ANNA”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“PEACHY”
Performed by Will Crewdson

“TROUBLE ON THE TERRACES”
Performed by The Hyads

“SEXUAL FAVOURS”
Performed by Rotten Ped

“MIDNIGHT TRAVELLER”
Performed by Prophecy

“OUT OF CONTROL”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“BUKKAKE QUEEN”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“OBSESSION”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“Mr TOAD”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“DEATH FROM ABOVE”
Performed by Serotonin

“BIG MISTAKE”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“OSAGE CITY”
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“CYGNUS”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“METAL MAN”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“COLD WIND”
Performed by Stefano Barone

“BASTARD”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“THE GRAIN TRAIN (GET ON BOARD)”
Performed by Dean Rees

“PARK AVENUE”
Performed by Dead Family

“CREEPS”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

“FREAKYLOVEWAY”
Performed by Sid Sings

‘SCREAM FOR ME’
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

“QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

‘HEAVY RAIN’
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“BANGED OUT”
Performed by MC Spanish Fly

“HONEY”
Performed by Rachel Stamp

“AFRAID OF THE DARK”
Performed by Pussycat and The Dirty Johnsons

“DEATH PENALTY”
Performed by Electric Eel Shock

‘LONG HAIRED WOMAN’
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“TAKEN A HOLD ON ME”
Performed by Sweet Felicity Arkwright

“FRIENDS AND FOES”
Performed by Isaac's Aircraft

Killer Bitch, Celebrity Sleaze and Link Mania

Well, Alex Reid has gone into the Celebrity Big Brother house dressed as a man rather than as his alter ego Roxanne.

Pity.

But the good news is that, according to Celebrity Big Brother, we are a "mucky movie" and, according to the News of the World, Alex's career low so far has been appearing in "sleazy gangster film Killer Bitch".

As Oscar said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. And they haven't even seen any clips from Killer Bitch yet.

For a taster of the sort of music we are using, you could do worse than go to the music page of the Killer Bitch website.

'Dodgy' Dave Courtney Lives Again in "Killer Bitch"

On “Killer Bitch”, we do like a bit of publicity and had plans to kill celebrity gangster ‘Dodgy’ Dave Courtney , but we were scuppered by police action.

We filmed all the set-up and preparations for his death at a big gangland party in South East London but, a couple of days later, before we could shoot scenes of his actual killing, the police arrested him on firearms charges and he was (in the technical phrase used in such circumstances) banged up in Belmarsh with no parole, despite the fact he had no witnesses to threaten, was no risk to anyone and was never going to do a runner. The authorities just enjoyed having him in prison, much like the Krays and Ronnie Biggs.

Dodgy Dave was arrested months ago. Poor Liam, our beleaguered writer/director, had to re-write the script so Dave’s excellent and expensive scenes were kept in the movie but so it also made sense he was not killed. Poor Liam later had to re-script the movie again when allegedly cross-dressing cage fighter Alex Reid (our main co-star) decided not to complete the sequences he had started shooting. Only he and Kate Price/Jordan know why; we certainly don’t. We had to shut down for a month.

The result of all this anarchy was a multiply-re-written script, extra scenes, extra characters, extra performers, extra action, extra colour and, ironically, probably an even better movie - though with escalating extra costs.

All we’re admitting is that the budget is now over £45 and less than £100,000. In other words, it has cost more than Welsh zombie movie “Colin” but has cost less than “Avatar”. It is also fairly safe to say it will be more entertaining than “Batman and Robin” and “The English Patient”. But then so was Andy Warhol's eight-hour movie of the Empire State Building at night; and, yes, I did sit through that.

The good news is that, this week, a London jury took only two hours to clear ‘Dodgy’ Dave on three charges of illegal firearms possession. Anyone who has been in the living room his Plumstead house ‘Camelot’ (you can see it in all its glory in “Killer Bitch”) will know its walls are lined with firearms, swords and I think there may be a suit of armour and a platoon of Japanese soldiers in there somewhere too. But would ‘Dodgy’ Dave do something illegal? I can hardly believe it. As he told the court: "The police keep arresting me for things, but I am no longer a naughty man."

Except in our fictional movie, where he plays himself and is certainly a very naughty man caught with his trousers down and his pecker up.

He will be one of the few to survive “Killer Bitch”. So far, we have had over 160 performers in the movie and most of them seem to have been killed. Still a couple more weeks to go; plenty of time to up the body count.

We might even have time to kill ‘Dodgy’ Dave, but I think poor Liam might not be able to face another re-write and will let him live - perhaps for the sequel which, in the current draft script, opens in a Scottish religious building. Who knows how subsequent events may change it?

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Oscar Wilde and the "Killer Bitch" sick concoction

Memorable lines... The "Killer Bitch" movie has 'em aplenty. And I imagine few if any of them were ever uttered by Oscar Wilde.

I particularly enjoyed:

"Bring it on! - Aaaaarrggghhh! - I'll rip your fucking eyes out and stick them up your fucking arse!"

Fine words, screamed at the top of his terrifying voice by former bare-knuckle champion and now feared unlicensed fighter Norman Buckland in a large farm shed in the field behind his house as he fought Katie Price's on-off boyfriend Alex Reid. Real punches. Real kicks.

Norman is a terribly nice man and said afterwards: "I dunno where that stuff about the eyes came from. I've never said it in my life before!"

He is a real gent and a great ad-libber. During his scenes, he dropped a large breeze block on top of his head. It wasn't scripted. He just decided to do it without warning to try to help make the scene even better. Afterwards, he turned to our director Liam and asked:

"Did you get it OK? D'you want me to do it another couple of times for safety?"

For safety? FOR SAFETY????

Liam declined, but he was very grateful for the offer.

Perhaps I had too sheltered an upbringing in Ilford, Essex, but I thought

"Bring it on! - Aaaaarrggghhh! - I'll rip your fucking eyes out and stick them up your fucking arse!"

was pretty hard to beat as a memorable line - especially an unscripted one.

But it was run a close second today by a scripted line delivered by Yvette Rowland - a line which, alas, can't be printed here because it gives away one of the movie's major plot twists.

But it is maybe no surprise, given this is "Killer Bitch", that Yvette was sick immediately after she said the line. All in the interests of Art, of course.

She vomited out a creamy-orange-coloured concoction of lemon energy drink, water and crushed biscuits mixed together by our make-up effects man Akgun who, while the scene was being shot, was turning a hairspray can into a flamethrower. I think he may have seen just one too many James Bond films.

www.killerbitch.co.uk

Alex Reid, Jordan, Salvador Dali and flying pigs

I see today's Daily Star Sunday edition:
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/107314/The-Kate-escape-/
has an interview with Jordan's boyfriend, the former co-star of "Killer Bitch" in which it says:

"The Ultimate Fighting Championship star, who used to appear in telly soap Hollyoaks, is expected to leave Britain on St Valentine’s Day at the start of his £9,000 trip. Before that, he must fulfill a number of work commitments linked to his upcoming film Killer Bitch."

Well, this is news to me, as I'm financing the "Killer Bitch" movie and it's cost me an arm and a leg because we had to shut down production for a month and do a complete re-write of the film's basic plot because Alex waltzed off the production after only shooting half his scenes... and then there was the whole rigmarole of whether or not he might re-appear... or not... I wondered if aliens had kidnapped him and I was going to wake up in a shower and find I'd dreamt it all.

This is England. No-one in their right mind sues anyone for anything unless they have a spare twenty million pounds sloshing about. The English law's aim is to make money for lawyers. You might as well toss a coin or revert to Trial By Combat with two people beating each other round the head with wet fish.

Alex seemed a nice bloke to me but, lord have mercy on us, what are these "number of work commitments linked to his upcoming film Killer Bitch"? Is he mounting a private publicity campaign for the movie's release in February/March and hasn't told us? I'm grateful if he is. Is he going to turn up without warning at a film location he doesn't know about? We re-started filming with a revised script last week, shooting the Japanese rock band Electric Eel Shock in a North London goth club and we really get into our movie-making stride again this coming week.

Or maybe the press just making up stories again? That's something we certainly know about, as several of the stories about "Killer Bitch" have had a touch of the Salvador Dali and William Burroughs about them - total surrealism with some stories simply made up from beginning to end.

Though all the publicity, true, false or fantastical, is welcomed. Who cares what's said, provided we're splattered all over the tabloids? Not us.

www.killerbitch.co.uk